piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
