I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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