the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
