I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
