I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
