So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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