the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
