we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
