I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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