I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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