i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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