Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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