Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We got so high we made milksteak
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
