So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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