it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
