Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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