I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
