i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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