At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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