I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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