This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
