SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
