I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.