I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife