I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions