Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.