i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I AM VODKA MAN
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.