at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
