its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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