JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
