1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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