Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
