was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
