I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
