well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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