just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
