'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize