So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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