if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
