I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize