i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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