If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
