nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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