I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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