Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
