She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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