he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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