i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
