do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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