I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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