Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
