put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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