I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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