Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
