I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
