There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
