I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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