My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
