Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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