ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
