peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
