If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
FUCK WHALES
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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