she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
