I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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