I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
