We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Randomize
