dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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