I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
