Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
