I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
