At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
