The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
