gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think my vagina is haunted
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That's how pantless uber rides happen