i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup