You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples