If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
