she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?