Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty