Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
