sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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