there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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