I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
