They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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