I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
