I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
