Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
