the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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