I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
